Bernadette Benda

I walk like a trapped wolf on a path of cement. I hung the sidewalks like I’m sniffing for blood. But I’m looking for escape. Or I’m looking for the sun. I’m looking for that place east of it and west of the moon. I look for it in books like I look for it in trees, every bend and shape of their roots familiar as I walk this concrete path.

2.

The wolf or cheetah at the zoo makes a path in their enclosure. I like zoos, I’ll be honest, but I don’t like them all equally. But zoos remind me of adventure and summer, my sister and I. To see bats and owls, elephants and penguins being fed (I’ve decided to quit life and become a penguin, after I run away and become a pirate. #piratepenguin). Zoos are a much larger world rolled into a small one, like Merlin’s house and library all in one suitacse.

3.

I smell pine needles. The remnants of someone’s tossed Christmas tree perhaps. The After Holidays are so weird. The quick or slow transition “back to business.” The sudden ceasing of a rush, but a ceasing that can feel more like a dead end than a stillness.

Or it’s the end of a road, and the starting of a new road can feel slow, impossible, boring, make you look a hundred times at your map because you’re not positive that you’re headed in the right direction.

4.

“What’s a movie you’ve seen five times?”

I always laugh at that question (not like….out loud. Or inside either. Just sort of go, “heh”) because every movie I love I’ve probably seen more than that. To watch them so much that they become a comfort, like muscle memory. To watch them and constantly find more details, to constantly see deeper into the characters, or just to enjoy those favorite scenes again and again like a beloved piece of music.

I watched the Mandalorian twice last summer. I’ve watched Iron Man 2 threes times in like a week. I watched Avengers: Endgame three times the year it came out. I don’t even want to know how many times I’ve seen the Jason Bourne movies. I watch Once Upon A Time almost on a yearly basis now. I’ve watched The Avengers so many times I could act out like the entire movie for you. Right here. Right now.

Oh and Fellowship of the Ring.

So what are movies you’ve seen at least five times?

5.

The dead of January
when there is no snow, no rain
the wind no longer howls to bring
her wracking storms down from the north
there is only frost in the morning
and bitter chill in the afternoon
there is a dryness and there is a dullness
with the sun’s low pale light
everything is asleep
everything lies dormant
stillness
everything is still

~~~~~

(I’m not sure that there is going to be a Wednesday post? I’m giving myself a writing retreat next week, and intend to plow through writing Red Heart, Ice Mountain. But we’ll see. Maybe I’ll get a blog done before then)