Bernadette Benda

First off, this is coming terribly late to ya’ll but Friday (when I usually write this) turned into…it was an interesting day. But we’re not going to go into all of that right now.

But one part of it I do want to go into. 

When I’m not writing, I’m a company dancer with North Pointe Ballet. Or at least, I was dancing when I wasn’t writing, because a pandemic happened and all rehearsals and performances were cancelled.

Last night would have been opening night. Right now, I would be packing my bags and putting up my hair, getting ready to drive to the theater, where I would arrive extra early, set things up in my dressing room, roll around on the stage and do some planks and push ups, and then ballet class, and then a matinee and evening performance.

I’m not doing that right now. I’m sitting at my desk listening to lawnmowers outside. I’m not performing  a variation, I’m not slapping makeup on my face and keeping my feet warm, I’m not hanging out with my fellow dancers and goofing off with them behind the curtain or prancing in the wings before my entrance.

I wish I was.

For those two hours of a production, you have to stay right in the present moment. Everything is clear and present dangers. There are no do overs, there isn’t too much time to think about things, you can’t get distracted.

And I miss it.

There’s really not more to say than that. I wish I was in the theater.

OK WOW THAT WAS SAD sorry for the melancholy rant there.

In other news I’ve been trying to buy a lampshade but with no luck (it’s harder than it looks guys. Team is deploying again on Monday for further reconnaissance), but I did buy a Mandalorian tshirt that I totally needed.

Editing Lily was coming along fairly well this week UNTIL, with utter horror, I remembered that I haven’t touched the ending (the very, very ending wrap up after the big ending) since the first draft because I can’t decide if I want Happily Ever After or Bittersweet I’m Sorry Readers I’ll just Stab You in the Heart One More Time (though more like I’ll stab myself in the heart).

I don’t. Know. What. To do.

But I’m not at the ending yet so we’ll just burn that bridge when we get there.

That’s all for now folks! Enjoy your weekend.