Bernadette Benda

If you want to catch a writer (heaven knows why. They’ll probably just eat all your books and steal all your paper), there are some things you’ll need to know once you lay hands on this mythical creature. 

The writer. 

You’ll need a place to put your writer. Preferably put them somewhere where they can be alone, a place with lots of light (writers are very akin to plants), some comfortable pillows and blankets (they like to hibernate), and a chair and desk.

A writer will need to be watered (again, they are like plants). Some writers like a pure H2O diet, others need either a steady flow of coffee or tea.

*sugar and cream may need to be added*

You must feed your writer, or they will transform into a ravenous monster. Be careful what you feed them though. Some writers are very picky eaters, and unless the sustenance feeds their creative brains, they won’t touch a bite.

When in doubt, feed them chocolate and pie. 

Give them things to do. 

While writers can be occupied for months by just staring out a window, if they don’t exercise their literary prowess they are liable to turn into a puddle of mush. *warning: very hard to clean up*

Paper and pens are always a good option. (Though writers like specific things: gel or ballpoint, lined or unlined.)

When in doubt, give them craft paper and crayons.

The last thing you need to know is you might as well hand over all your books now, because eventually the writer will get out of their cage and steal them all. 

Now you know everything you need to! Go grab your butterfly net, a pair of hiking boots, and anti-dragon spray (writers often keep them for pets).